Snowpacolypse: A Collection of Reflections

Dear friends,

I am sitting here at home, the snow has been falling for hours now and I had to sleep in the living room so that I didn't meet my icy death via tree branch through the bedroom window. I've been home for...a ridiculously long time, like going in 2 weeks, and I still haven't gotten into the groove of being home. I was not ready to come home for Christmas break, but I decided to come to terms with it and make the best of it. I had all these plans for books I wanted to read, scarves I wanted to knit and cookies I wanted to bake, but since being home, I've pretty much done nothing but drive and watch TV and movies. I want to die. For some reason, I am incapable of doing anything remotely productive or creative. I feel kind of brain dead. Ugg.

Anyway, I was delighted to see all the unread posts waiting for me when I visited le blog today!! I liked everybody's end of the term reflections, and wanted to chime in with my own cheesy thoughts. I can't believe I've finished my first quarter at Seattle U. It seems unreal that we've already spent a whole term apart. It's hard for me to put into words all of what I'm feeling... but mostly, I just want to say that you guys forever have a great big spot in my life (I was going to say heart, but then I kind of wanted to kill myself for being so cheesy). I was telling my mom the other day that it felt like you all should have been here when I came home for Christmas break. Like, last year, it was kind of fun to reunite with high school friends, and I wanted that same thing, but with you guys. Now my high school friends are twice removed. It's weird. I can't explain or even understand a lot of what I'm feeling about it. I need one of those books, like "What's Happening to my Body" except "What the Fuck is Happening to my Fucking Brain" hahaha. Umm anyway.

It's strange to me that last year was only a year and that I have been away for almost as long as we were together. Does that make sense? Basically, last year made a giant and irreversible impression on the entire rest of my life. I experienced, learned and grew so much with you guys. Everything now feels a little less magical, less sugar coated and more grown up. I don't think anything will ever come close to what it's like that first year living away from home, and basically I guess I just want to say that I am so happy that it was with you guys in San Francisco. I feel like you are my family and that I have a home in San Francisco, which is weird after only a year there. I did a lot of growing up with you guys in that city, and nothing can ever change that or rival that experience. I actually teared up a little when I was reading your posts (might be because I'm going fucking nuts stranded in this house). I miss you guys everyday (not an exxageration) but I also feel good about the decisions I've made, even if they suck. It's a weird little emotional battle that goes on inside of that I don't think can ever be resolved, but I guess that's just a part of growing up.

That was kind of just a very emotional stream of consciousness. Sawwwwy. I can't wait to see you in January!!!! I hope your breaks are better than mine :)

Love and Snowflakes,
Marie-Therese